Disabled Circumstances

11 April 2008

This week's exercise is to put oneself in the persona of either a deaf, deaf-mute, crippled or blind person, then write a poem or prose piece at least 200 words long. I did my piece a la Beastie Boys, here it is:

The Blind Barber of Junquera

Attention! Yo ladies, yo gents, come out!
The Barber of Junquera is in the house.
Come on now everybody, lend me your ears.
I got a nifty story that will live on for years.

My name is Kevin and you heard me right.
I run a pretty parlor that opens at night.
I’m good for nothing, except with scissors.
I’ll shave your bony head with nothing but razors.

Why open at night? You ask me now.
I got no time for questions, leave them for now.
Just sit on my chair and don’t you worry.
We got a lot of time, there’s no need to hurry.

I once had a customer you’ve never even heard of.
His curls, like a girl’s, he wanted to get rid of!
He told me to look. He’s out of his mind!
I would if I could but I’m friggin’ blind!

Well what could I do? It’s what he wanted!
This freakin' wicked dude’s wish must be granted.
So I told the guy, “Be bold and be brave.”
I did away with all his hair in one swift shave!

Next was a Mom, she’s 30 years old.
She wants her black hair to shimmy-shine like gold!
I said, “Say what?” “Like gold”, she replied,
“Shimmy-shine, anytime, a source of pride!”

Oh heaven forbid! I’m stuck in a dilemma.
“What color did you holler? You tell me now, Mama.”
The color of blonde was what she yearned.
But all I see is black, as far as I’m concerned.

I thought for a minute, maybe for three.
I looked up to the ceiling even though I can’t see.
And then — whapack! The perfect idea!
I dowsed the lady’s head with Agua Oxinada!

And now you’re here, a word to the wise.
You look pretty dandy to my useless eyes.
I’ll trim your hair, and your goatee!
I’ll even shave your eye brows, I’ll do it for free!

‘Coz here I am, the one and only!
The Barber of Junquera, that’s right you heard me!
Thanks y’all, for hearing my fable.
I’ll see you later, though that’s impossible!

Word! Break it down!

This piece was partly inspired by another Beastie Boys rip-off creative writing exercise in Paperbag Writes.


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